Managing Anxiety in Relationships: What We’ve Learned

In our ongoing exploration of relational dynamics at My Inner Knowing, one theme comes up again and again: anxiety in relationships. Whether you're single, partnered, or somewhere in between, anxiety has a way of creeping into our connections and distorting how we see ourselves and others. In a recent episode, Walker and I got personal about the ways anxiety manifests in our relationship—and how we navigate it without letting it lead.

Anxiety Isn't the Enemy—But It Does Need an Ally

Walker opened up about how hard it can be to communicate openly when anxiety is running high: "Sometimes I feel like I'm not enough. Like, no matter what I say, it will be misunderstood." This is a common inner voice that can quietly (or loudly) sabotage connection if we’re not paying attention.

I shared that for me, anxiety often shows up as over-responsibility. I want to make sure everyone’s okay, and that drive can leave me depleted and not present. It’s not that we want to avoid anxiety—it’s part of being human. But it becomes problematic when it is running the show.

As Silvy Khoucasian, a therapist and relationship coach I admire, often conveys that anxiety isn’t always about what’s happening in the relationship—it’s often about what happened to us before the relationship even began. And that feels so true to me. So often, our old attachment wounds play out in new ways, leaving us stuck in a loop of seeking reassurance or shutting down.

Safety Isn’t Just Physical—It’s Emotional

Silvy often talks about the concept of emotional safety—something we return to in almost every episode. It’s not just about whether your partner raises their voice or is physically present. It’s about whether you feel seen, heard, and respected.

In our episode, I talked about how easy it is to fall back into old survival patterns. “When I feel anxious, sometimes I go quiet. And not because I have nothing to say—but because I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing.”

Walker shared a reflection that stuck with me: “Sometimes I need a pause before we talk. Just a moment to gather myself. Not because I don’t care—but because I do.”

Emotional safety is built on those small adjustments—pausing, taking a breath, naming the fear.

Relational Anxiety Loves to Whisper: “It’s You. You’re the Problem.”

We ask ourselves: What are the ways our anxiety whispers to us? And what helps bring us back?

For Walker, it's naming the feeling out loud. For me, it’s grounding in my body and reminding myself that I don’t have to fix everything. A mantra that I love is, “It’s okay if I need you near or far; I need to determine what feels most safe for my body right now.” I believe that permission is everything, knowing that as we grow, what we need will change as well.

So, How Do We Begin to Heal?

1. Name it. Say out loud what you’re feeling. If that’s too hard, write it down. Anxiety shrinks when it’s brought into the light.
2. Build safety into your communication. Use “I feel” instead of “You always…” Take breaks when needed. Make repair, not perfection, your goal.
3. Stay curious. As we often say on the show, curiosity isn’t just a mindset—it’s a practice. What if your partner isn’t trying to hurt you, but is simply trying to cope?
4. Follow voices like Silvy’s. Her Instagram posts and courses offer compassionate, practical tools for building self-trust and emotional clarity.

Curiosity Over Perfection 

If you’re struggling with anxiety in your relationship, you’re not alone. Walker and I are still learning, too. And that’s okay. Progress, not perfection. Connection, not control.

As always, we invite you to sit with these questions:

• What does emotional safety look like for you?
• Where does your anxiety show up most?
• What would it look like to give that part of you more compassion?

Bringing Awareness to the Stories We Tell Ourselves

Our internal dialogue can shape our entire experience of connection—or disconnection. One simple but profound practice we encourage is to sit quietly, place your hand gently on your heart, and take five deep, slow breaths. With each inhale, ask yourself: What am I believing right now? And with each exhale, say silently: I’m allowed to question that belief. Maybe you're believing you're too much, or not enough, or that your partner "should" just know what you need. Instead of judging that thought, simply notice it. Let it float by like a leaf on a stream.

Another powerful practice is to take a short daily “story walk.” Choose a quiet 10-minute walk, ideally in nature or at least away from screens. As you walk, gently repeat to yourself: What’s true for me in this moment? And then ask: What else might be true? This softens the rigid narratives anxiety can write for us. Our triggers are not proof of truth—they are indicators that we need more safety, more curiosity, or more care. These quiet check-ins invite us to meet our anxious parts not with shame, but with spaciousness.

Let’s keep having the hard conversations—with ourselves and each other.

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