The True True

When Walker first introduced the concept of the True True in our relationship, from the movie Cloud Atlas, I wasn't familiar with the film. I found my own interpretation of what the True True meant to me after watching a clip from the movie.

For me, when Walker asks for the True True, it's an invitation to share not just my thoughts but the entire process behind them, as best as I can articulate at the time. It involves delving into my feelings, thoughts, and experiences, even when it's uncomfortable for both of us. This level of vulnerability was unfamiliar in my relationships, and it stirred both intrigue and fear. Over time, with concerted effort from both of us to nurture a healthy relationship, my fears have become more manageable, leading to a greater sense of safety in sharing the True True.

Some of the fears: What if he doesn’t “like” my process, what if he gets angry, what if he withholds connection, what if he abandons me?  What if what I am sharing seems so damaged that he decides that the relationship is over, or that I’m not good enough?

These thoughts don’t have to be at the highest level of my consciousness, but I know myself well enough to know that they are swirling around in there.  Depending on the situation, those thoughts might feel more threatening, sometimes less.

Over time, and the continuous effort by both of us to make choices that support a healthy relationship with ourselves and our partner, my fears have become more manageable.

The journey to this place of safety in the True True is still a work in progess, but the progress has been worth it!

This process that Walker and I engage in has presented an opportunity for me to contemplate what people mean when they ask for the Truth. 

Do people really want to know the Truth?  It is easy to recall the lines from A Few Good Men, “I want the Truth!” and “You can’t handle the Truth!”

Whew!  It is so often true…that when we ask someone for their Truth, and we receive their Truth, that we are then unable to regulate our Self.  And even more so when their Truth reflects back to us how they experience us…and they are not thinking that we are the coolest thing walking on the planet in that moment.

In the past I had often asked for the Truth in my relationships, but once I had it, I used the information in a very codependent and unhealthy way.  When I say codependent, I mean that I would only think of the impact on the other person, without thinking of the impact on my Self. 

If I did think about the impact on my Self, I would minimize it, and tell my Self that I could do whatever the other person needed, because they needed “it” more.  I made sure to adapt myself to the situation because I was afraid of being abandoned.  I needed to adapt to their Truth to ensure my survival! 

I didn’t look at their Truth as an opportunity to learn more about my Self and grow.  I used their Truth to change my Self so much so that I didn’t know who I was anymore.

I had always felt drawn to the David Cook song, Come Back To Me, and only on a flight home from a retreat, did I realize that the tears that came each time I listened to the song, were for me…grieving the loss of my Self.  That was a powerful shift for me, truly another life changing awareness.  How much more could I give?

Please understand that I haven’t yet resolved this, but I continue to experiment with the balance of being generous and giving my Self away.

We are crazy complex beings, so please don’t take this blog as the only way to work towards being able to have the True True in your relationships, and with your Self.  This is a tool to explore more about this process and what it might currently look like for you. 

Get your journal, grab a pen, a warm grounding beverage, and let’s explore for a bit…

1. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and ground yourself by planting your feet firmly on the ground. Visualize someone you deeply care about, who you share a close relationship with, asking you for your Truth—the True True.
2. How do you feel in your body right now? Where do you feel these sensations, and how are you interpreting their significance?
3. Reflect on the thoughts running through your mind as you contemplate your response.
4. Consider what specific aspect of your Truth they might be seeking. This could be a real-life scenario or one you imagine unfolding.
5. What do you believe they are seeking from you when they ask for your Truth? Jot down the cognitive aspects—the data or information—you think they are hoping to receive.
6. Now, explore the emotional aspects they may be looking for. If you sense they're seeking more than just information, consider whether they might also want to understand your feelings and experiences.
7. Practice expressing, "Please tell me more what you're seeking from me, so I can better understand your question and respond authentically." Avoid using this as a means of deflecting or sidestepping the inquiry; the goal is to foster curiosity and deepen connection.
8. Flip the scenario and imagine yourself posing the same question to your partner. What do you genuinely hope to receive from them in that moment? Consider whether you're seeking data, emotional support, a deeper connection, or a sense of safety. Remember, these are just a few possibilities, and your needs may vary depending on the context of each conversation.

The more that we can consider and explore what we are thinking, feeling, wanting and intending, the closer we will get to better understanding our Self and ultimately our Knowing.

Walker and I share more on the True True ~ Parts One and Two on our My Inner Knowing podcast on Spotify, and all other major podcast platforms. Join us there!