The Power of Small Choices

Theresa Hubbard [00:00:00]:
We wanted to take a moment to encourage you to take the 10 Essential Skills to Build Stronger and Healthier Relationships courses.

Walker Bird [00:00:09]:
We've all heard it said that when you get to the end of your life, you're not looking back at the money that you made or the things that you had, but at the relationships that you had with your children, your family, your friends and your co workers. We hope you'll join us.

Theresa Hubbard [00:00:24]:
Yeah. We truly believe in. It is worth the effort.

Walker Bird [00:00:32]:
My Inner Knowing empowering you to find your compass for the journey. We are dedicated to supporting you to rediscover and trust your natural ability to navigate life. Each day by sharing insight and experience through the lens of two professional communicators and their guests, we intend to prompt internal inquiry that supports all those willing to explore a unique path.

Theresa Hubbard [00:01:00]:
Well, hello.

Walker Bird [00:01:01]:
Hello. How are you?

Theresa Hubbard [00:01:05]:
Well, today's a big day.

Walker Bird [00:01:06]:
Yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:01:07]:
Oh, let's see. My oldest, Chris, is graduating from college today, forensic chemistry. Luke is graduating from college today, biology and anthropology. And then he's getting finishing his psychology major. I think he has a few more classes so he'll get that done. And then Mimi is graduating with her biology degree today and starting medical school in the fall. So. Big day today.

Walker Bird [00:01:44]:
It's a big day.

Theresa Hubbard [00:01:45]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:01:46]:
Exciting.

Theresa Hubbard [00:01:47]:
Yeah, it is. How are you?

Walker Bird [00:01:50]:
I'm good.

Theresa Hubbard [00:01:50]:
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You've got a big day too.

Walker Bird [00:01:54]:
Got a lot of work to get done. I've been struggling to focus at work, so just working through health stuff as you know, and it's a struggle, but I'm still in it.

Theresa Hubbard [00:02:09]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:02:09]:
Still in the game is what I'm saying.

Theresa Hubbard [00:02:11]:
Not giving up. Right, right. What do you think that you'll do today to take care of yourself, to help you get where you want to go today with work?

Walker Bird [00:02:25]:
Uh, well, I know that if I'm not. If nothing's happening, you know, because I'll try and then sometimes it just. The brain fog is so great that I just. Nothing is. Is happening.

Theresa Hubbard [00:02:43]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:02:45]:
I'm going to go walk around the pond, see if that helps. You know, everything I'm reading is telling me I can't or I'm not supposed to be slamming caffeine or stuff like that, so that's hard, but that's a normal go to.

Theresa Hubbard [00:03:05]:
Yeah, yeah.

Walker Bird [00:03:07]:
So it might happen today because we've got to get this project done. I mean, it's just this. It's a hard trade off knowing that that is just worsening the inflammation in my body but not being able to function. So the first step I will Take is probably about 15 minutes of meditation to try to get over, you know, the stress and the victimy woe is me part. Why is it always this way? You know that stuff. Tell me so. But this isn't what we were going to talk about. Let's talk about you.

Theresa Hubbard [00:03:55]:
Okay.

Walker Bird [00:03:57]:
I don't care. I'll talk about whatever comes, you know.

Theresa Hubbard [00:04:00]:
Oh, I do. Yeah. Yeah. Just, you know, as you're sharing, I'm just thinking how often this probably happens for people where you are today.

Walker Bird [00:04:14]:
Yeah. It's a, you know, it's a combination of, you know, burnout and then it's all interrelated. Right. Health, Burnout, burnout, health. The stress on the limbic system. Just patterns of behavior and stress and response. Stress and response with being a trial lawyer combined with weight and genetics.

Theresa Hubbard [00:04:44]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:04:46]:
So it's just after 30 years of doing the trial lawyer thing, it's just I think I sacrificed a lot of health along the way. And so it's not like I'm on my deathbed or anything. But it is getting obviously more difficult to stay on task unless there's an incredible stressor that shoves adrenaline or whatever it is into the system and then I'm on. Right.

Theresa Hubbard [00:05:18]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:05:19]:
So if I'm in, typically in a deposition, adversaries across the table, it's on. Most of the time now in court, it's on. And it's just because the body is pumping enough in to overcome the rest of the fatigue that's pulling down the rest of the system. It's fascinating.

Theresa Hubbard [00:05:40]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:05:41]:
When you start reading about it, I'm not going to pretend and never will be, you know, an expert on human physiology, but it is fascinating to look at it.

Theresa Hubbard [00:05:53]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:05:53]:
And hopefully I'll figure a way through.

Theresa Hubbard [00:05:55]:
Yeah. Well, you're putting a lot of effort into trying to understand your body better and what it needs and.

Walker Bird [00:06:02]:
Yeah. Do more to take care of it in a more intentional way. You know, just slamming a bunch of supplements without analysis or assessment or anything else. I don't think the answer. And it's expensive.

Theresa Hubbard [00:06:18]:
Yeah. Finding the ones that your body really needs.

Walker Bird [00:06:21]:
Yeah, exactly. That it can metabolize. You know, there have been a lot of tests lately through functional medicine doctors that are informing that, but I think it's so complex that they're either not sure exactly what to do or very cautious. Meanwhile, I need action because I have to function.

Theresa Hubbard [00:06:45]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:06:49]:
Taking six months off I don't think works. Although sometimes it feels like I took six months off because I didn't get a whole Lot done, you know.

Theresa Hubbard [00:06:58]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:07:00]:
So. And then psychologically, shame comes up. I should be better than this.

Theresa Hubbard [00:07:05]:
You know.

Walker Bird [00:07:05]:
Come on. All those things are wrapped up in it. So complex.

Theresa Hubbard [00:07:10]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:07:12]:
Yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:07:13]:
Really.

Walker Bird [00:07:13]:
Because I'm a hard worker.

Theresa Hubbard [00:07:15]:
You are.

Walker Bird [00:07:16]:
Always have been. But this is a challenge.

Theresa Hubbard [00:07:24]:
Yeah. Difficult when you have things going on in your body that are pulling your energy first. Right.

Walker Bird [00:07:35]:
Oh, and heavily. And there's pain. I have daily pain.

Theresa Hubbard [00:07:40]:
So.

Walker Bird [00:07:40]:
Yeah. It's a lot. It's a lot for the body to handle, too. And I just, like, you know, it doesn't know if it can trust me, because I keep pushing through.

Theresa Hubbard [00:07:51]:
Yeah. Well. And you're. You are creating a corrective experience for your body.

Walker Bird [00:08:00]:
Yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:08:00]:
Through this process. Yeah. I mean, how. When I think about what you shared about your medical experiences and having a voice and. Or not avoidance. Like you're. You're doing a lot differently than it sounds like you did in the past.

Walker Bird [00:08:25]:
Yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:08:26]:
To really. And not. And not just relying. Not looking for the expert who's going to know all the answers. Right. Like you're reaching out to people that are experts, but you're also doing a lot of research yourself, really. Trying to better understand your body and what your genetics mean and what types of things can your body break down and what can it not break down. And really, you're trying to help your body in a lot of different ways instead of just hoping that it figures it out.

Theresa Hubbard [00:09:06]:
So.

Walker Bird [00:09:07]:
Yeah. Or that somebody else is going to come in and save me.

Theresa Hubbard [00:09:11]:
Yeah. And you need all of it. Your own education, the knowledge of other people. Yeah. A lot. Along with work and life. Yeah. What are you thinking?

Walker Bird [00:09:29]:
And it's a lot. So.

Theresa Hubbard [00:09:43]:
So I was thinking yesterday that we could talk about that. We can't control what happens to us, but we can control with effort how we respond. And so one of the things that we were talking about, you know, in building the skills and how to respond, that it helps us ultimately feel more capable, incompetent, instead of helpless and out of control. Some of what you're doing with your health. Right.

Walker Bird [00:10:38]:
Sure.

Theresa Hubbard [00:10:39]:
Yeah. What are you thinking?

Walker Bird [00:10:41]:
I'm just listening.

Theresa Hubbard [00:10:42]:
Yeah. It feels like there's more.

Walker Bird [00:11:05]:
Well, I. It is because I'm in the midst of it. Right. And it's not easy.

Theresa Hubbard [00:11:11]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:11:11]:
And so saying, hey, it's great. It's really. It's good to recognize that you can't control what happens to you. You got an autoimmune disorder. Your body has genetics that are predisposed to toxic exposure, and you've been exposed to toxins and then you threw a big stress sandwich on top of that for 30 years, and now you get trouble. And to take that with daily pain and say, but a really great part about all this is how much I'm learning. The universe decided to teach me. And what's even more important is that I should step back from all that and make intentional choices about how I'm going to react to it, rather than just curling up in a ball and saying, poor me, you know, or something else.

Walker Bird [00:12:16]:
So that's. It's just one of those days, I guess. So my point is this. I know that that's what we need to do, and I think it's great advice for everybody who's watching or listening, and it's probably a really good thing for them to see. The fact is, you can know all those things and you can teach those things to other people and still struggle with it when the shit hits the fan for you.

Theresa Hubbard [00:12:45]:
Absolutely.

Walker Bird [00:12:46]:
Yeah. And so that's, you know, that's what's going on behind these eyes while we're talking about. And it's hard, but I think the meditation piece, again, has been really important for me in helping to create the ability to settle down enough to be able to step back and gain perspective again so that I'm acting with intention versus just existing or reacting all the time.

Theresa Hubbard [00:13:15]:
Yeah. What is your mood?

Walker Bird [00:13:17]:
I have to keep going in and back, in and back and back. And then sometimes it's just like after you've done that enough times, the little kid comes out. Little kid inside me wants to come out and throw down his toys. I'm done with this effing game. Yeah, I'm done. I'm going home. You know, stomp and kick. I'd do all that, you know, but nobody's coming for that either, other than me.

Theresa Hubbard [00:13:51]:
Right, right, right.

Walker Bird [00:13:55]:
So sometimes we got to swim in it for a while. So. It's funny. I guess I wasn't this bad an hour ago, but since we decided to peel the scab off, here we are, you know, and the fact is that you have to swim in it. Sometimes the only way out is through, you know. You've heard that said?

Theresa Hubbard [00:14:14]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:14:15]:
And. Yeah, I'm walking through it today.

Theresa Hubbard [00:14:20]:
Yeah. Thanks, babe.

Walker Bird [00:14:26]:
No, you had. I kept talking. You had something you were going to put in there, which I'm sure would be helpful. Do you remember?

Theresa Hubbard [00:14:34]:
Well, what I remember most recently was I was going to ask you. You've mentioned the meditation piece twice, I think. And so I was wondering, you know, what does that look like, for you at this point in your life, like, how. What are you doing to get yourself into that space? What's the. What supports you best.

Walker Bird [00:15:04]:
When it's like it is right now, in this moment? A lot of times I will have to turn to a guided meditation that somebody else has done.

Theresa Hubbard [00:15:13]:
Okay.

Walker Bird [00:15:14]:
So I'm not carrying the load. And it has to be the right person or the right one because I'm reactive. It's like, I can't take this shit, turn that one off and find the next, or whatever. And so, um, you know, today that's probably what I'll turn to is. My guess is somebody else has a calming voice and, you know, is going through something that I find helpful for where I am, which is trying to heal my body. So I'm listening to a lot of Joe Dispenza recently. Sometimes he makes me work too hard, and I'm not feeling like working so hard with the technique of breathing and pushing energy up from the lower chakras. But he has others where you get to just focus instead.

Walker Bird [00:16:02]:
So that is helpful. And then for me, for, I don't know, a long, long time after we took the mindfulness training course, would do it for myself. And I like that too, because it opens up channels of communication sometimes.

Theresa Hubbard [00:16:25]:
Okay.

Walker Bird [00:16:26]:
And so what do I do? I sit in, you know, my favorite chair. It's the gray one at your house. It's the one in the corner of my office. At my office, you know, by the window. And it's just. It's pleasant right there. Unless the ladies at the dental office next door all decide to come out and have lunch. That's loud.

Walker Bird [00:16:49]:
That's okay, too. They won't be there today.

Theresa Hubbard [00:16:51]:
Mm.

Walker Bird [00:16:54]:
And I need to sit up relatively straight, kind of like this. And I try to, you know, my head will start to do that if I start to fall asleep. But in any event, just posture wise, I try to maintain somewhat upright. And I get my feet flat on the floor and I put my hands in my lap. I don't touch them, they're just there. And then I'll start just by breathing, you know, and trying to relax from the very tippy top of my head and feel that, you know, like someone's pouring warm water down all the way through, down into the earth. And, you know, when I do meditations for people, I always like the rooting and going to the heart of the earth. So I try to do that.

Walker Bird [00:17:38]:
And then a lot of times I just try to be still instead of always having an agenda. What do I do about this? You know, I mean, that's just, to me, is like bypass of really meditating when I'm really asking for answers, you know, and pushing. And I think that has its place. But I think just finding silence and being able to come back to the silence again and again is really important.

Theresa Hubbard [00:18:03]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:18:04]:
That's what we were taught by Jack Kornfield, Darab Brock. Right. I think it's vipassana. Isn't that what it's called? I think so, anyway. Just mindfulness of where the breath is coming in and out of the body, whether it's the nose, back of the throat, chest, belly, and back and back and back to that. To finally find some space.

Theresa Hubbard [00:18:29]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:18:31]:
Was that too much of an explanation?

Theresa Hubbard [00:18:32]:
No, I liked it. I thought it was great.

Walker Bird [00:18:35]:
Yeah. And finding that space then trains me to find it more often. Not that I find it all the time, as, you know, when I have a stimulus, it trains me over time to have more of a probability of being able to recognize when I'm being triggered by something. And then I can take a breath and recognize I'm taking a breath intentionally to create space. So I'm making a choice about how I deal with whatever is presented versus, you know, just whatever comes out.

Theresa Hubbard [00:19:13]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:19:15]:
But it doesn't happen always. How about you?

Theresa Hubbard [00:19:30]:
Yeah, it's interesting. If it's nighttime, I do guided meditation. If it's daytime, and I don't know that I could tell you why or not. Maybe I. Maybe guided meditation was just something that I started, you know, doing so long ago at nighttime to help me sleep. It was really part of my, like, trauma, my PTSD recovery routine. And so I think probably just habit, you know, that my body's used to that. But if I'm meditating during the day, it's not guided.

Theresa Hubbard [00:20:18]:
Typically, I would be sitting in a chair, feet on the ground. My arms are usually on the arm of the chair. And then I'm just trying to walk myself through the process of it. So I have a favorite chair, too. The face is the window. Yeah. And so I sit in my favorite chair, feet on the ground, my arms on the arms of the chair. I close my eyes, I breathe.

Theresa Hubbard [00:21:07]:
That's what I do with a really deep breath. And if I'm struggling, it is, you know, what do I feel in my body? And just noticing that what thoughts are there as well, you know, what am I fearful of? And then I go down, you know, all the levels to, you know, what am I most afraid of? Abandonment. Not good enough. Not lovable. Really trying to access the core of what's underneath, what I'm struggling with. And then I just sit and breathe and I don't know that I. Sometimes I notice the feeling of it, but I really notice it more in my body. Like my body gets heavier and more settled, more like even grounded or rooted in the chair.

Theresa Hubbard [00:22:22]:
So that's my process. What are you thinking?

Walker Bird [00:22:25]:
Nice.

Theresa Hubbard [00:22:26]:
Yeah. And then again, if it's night guided, I'm kind of whatever, you know, if I turn something on and I'm like, that's not it, I just go find something else. I like the Getting into the Vortex, the 15 minute series. I just, you know, bought the book on audible and so I can access the four meditations anytime I want. And because it's on audible, I can start with the general one. And there's financial, relationship and physical. It may be emotional well being. Physical well being.

Theresa Hubbard [00:23:15]:
Emotional well being. General well being. Relationship well being. Yeah. And I'll turn it on the general well being. And then I'll turn on my like sleep timer for 60 minutes and then that way those four play and then it turns off. So. But other times I try other people, you know, Joe Dispenza or just, you know, there's.

Theresa Hubbard [00:23:44]:
I can't remember some app that you use or some. Not in maybe an app, but the sleepy time or like a storytelling.

Walker Bird [00:23:51]:
And I can't think of Get Sleepy is one that I listen to.

Theresa Hubbard [00:23:54]:
Okay, get sleepy. Yeah. Yeah. So. But that's what my experience is. And so for me, those, those choices, whether it is during the day or at night, I am choosing to take care of myself. Not that I'm not feeling what I'm feeling. I mean, it's there.

Theresa Hubbard [00:24:22]:
It's just what am I going to do to help my brain know I want to go a different route than what I trained it for 40 years. Yeah. What are you thinking?

Walker Bird [00:24:38]:
I've just. What's that process been like for you?

Theresa Hubbard [00:24:42]:
Learning.

Walker Bird [00:24:43]:
Yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:24:51]:
What I, what I remember was that when I first tried to learn how that it was frustrating. Is that what you're talking about?

Walker Bird [00:25:04]:
Yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:25:05]:
Yeah. Just trying to learn how to be still learning how to quiet my mind. I really, you know, there's a big physiological piece I bring into whatever it is I'm trying and I'm respectful for my body's need to find safety too, not just my mind. And so I, I don't really do this anymore because I believe that my body's learned that I can trust myself to remember where I don't think I trusted Myself when I started. And so I would keep a notepad next to me, you know, and something to write with. And then if something was on my mind that I was having a hard time, you know, releasing, or, you know, I now have the space, and now I'm remembering the things that I forgot, and I don't want to forget it again. And so then it's hard to release it because I'm like, oh, yeah, I need to remember to do that or say that or I want to address that or whatever. And so then I would write it down so that it could come out of my brain onto the paper, and then I could be in the stillness again.

Theresa Hubbard [00:26:27]:
And so now I just feel like over time, because I've learned more and more to trust myself, that I will create space for myself. I will address the things that need to be addressed, that need to write it down. When I'm trying to meditate, isn't there? But it used to be. That was really helpful for me writing it down.

Walker Bird [00:26:51]:
Nice.

Theresa Hubbard [00:26:52]:
Guided meditation. I used a lot to help myself initially, just help my body find what it even meant to be still without still being a reminder of being in grade school or being punished.

Walker Bird [00:27:09]:
Or you can enjoy the stillness instead of.

Theresa Hubbard [00:27:11]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:27:12]:
Yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:27:12]:
Or for some people, even danger. I mean, stillness can be danger.

Walker Bird [00:27:16]:
Sure.

Theresa Hubbard [00:27:17]:
And so, you know, really trying to help my body find a way to be still in a way that wasn't so scary and just being respectful of its process that it takes time to change.

Walker Bird [00:27:36]:
Yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:27:38]:
But when I do get into that space, it's nice. Yes. My body's like, thank you very much. Nice. Yeah. I had to train myself to not fall asleep, too. I used ice packs for that.

Walker Bird [00:27:53]:
Yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:27:54]:
I would meditate with them either in my hands or on my neck. You know, this is being still is not being still this way is not sleep time. Being still this way is learning how to be still and not fall asleep. And so, you know, using an ice pack on my neck or in my hands is really helpful to just train my body. It's conditioning my body. You know, I'm sitting in this chair. I do not want to fall asleep.

Walker Bird [00:28:20]:
Yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:28:20]:
Yes. I just want to be still.

Walker Bird [00:28:22]:
Yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:28:23]:
Yeah. And my body responded. I haven't used an ice pack in, I don't know, 10 years. It's been a long time. Yeah. But I used it almost every time I meditated. When I first started.

Walker Bird [00:28:35]:
Yeah, When I first started, I would fall asleep all the time. And then over the last several years, I stopped falling asleep. But more recently, I do Fall asleep. So I just. I think it's that my body is just fighting so hard.

Theresa Hubbard [00:28:52]:
Yeah, it is.

Walker Bird [00:28:54]:
And I've fallen asleep over the ice pack. But I mean, not as quickly, for sure.

Theresa Hubbard [00:29:00]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:29:03]:
No, those are all excellent techniques to, you know, stay enough awake.

Theresa Hubbard [00:29:11]:
Mm. Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:29:16]:
To be able to experience the space.

Theresa Hubbard [00:29:20]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:29:23]:
You tilted your head. You were going to ask something.

Theresa Hubbard [00:29:25]:
What was it? Your eyes have a question.

Walker Bird [00:29:29]:
I don't know what it is.

Theresa Hubbard [00:29:30]:
It's okay. It could just be internal process.

Walker Bird [00:29:34]:
Yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:29:34]:
Yeah. So I think about all of this as learning to choose ourself. You know, how do we empower ourselves to live an intentional life experience? All of this is that too. I think sometimes we think it has to be big and grand. Our response. Right. Like, it has to be, you know, I got into a fight with my partner. I handled it perfectly.

Theresa Hubbard [00:30:10]:
Like, in that. That has to be that grand in order for it to be empowering or reinforcing to us, you know, that what we're. The effort that we're putting forth is enough. And I don't think it has to be grand in order for it to be important. Tell me more that it can be all the small things. It needs to be all the small things. We change slowly over time. Occasionally.

Theresa Hubbard [00:30:40]:
Occasionally we make a huge change quickly, but not most of the time.

Walker Bird [00:30:47]:
Yeah. I just. I think our human nature is to want that, you know, lightning strike, you know, where you change from Saul to Paul. Yes.

Theresa Hubbard [00:30:58]:
Right. The miracle. Right. I think we're always looking for the miracle. Why would we not want the miracle? It's just that isn't often the process. Yeah. Yeah. What do you laugh?

Walker Bird [00:31:13]:
Just laughing at the. Our humanness.

Theresa Hubbard [00:31:21]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:31:22]:
You know, and I've said for. What the heck would we learn if you didn't have to go through anything, you know?

Theresa Hubbard [00:31:32]:
Oh, we wouldn't, you know. Yeah. We wouldn't learn anything.

Walker Bird [00:31:38]:
Right. We're in the school of life. And so there are these things, you know, and they come in such a myriad of. Of forms.

Theresa Hubbard [00:31:46]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:31:46]:
You know.

Theresa Hubbard [00:31:47]:
Yeah. Something else on your mind that you're.

Walker Bird [00:31:49]:
No, not really. Just. Just recognizing that and being able to chuckle about it is helpful when I'm struggling.

Theresa Hubbard [00:32:03]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:32:05]:
Yes.

Theresa Hubbard [00:32:07]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:32:07]:
You know, putting some humor in, which is. Of course. Of course we want it to be that way.

Theresa Hubbard [00:32:13]:
Easy.

Walker Bird [00:32:15]:
Why not? Why just even not have those things happen, you know?

Theresa Hubbard [00:32:18]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:32:20]:
But I know better. And I also know that if you can change, if you can look at it and step back from that, you know, that you're moving towards contentment and appreciation, gratitude. And joy. Yeah. Which is. You know, it's not. And joy can have a lot of different shades, I think, you know, just not. Oh, yeah.

Walker Bird [00:32:48]:
You know, the height of exaltation or whatever. That's not really what I'm talking about.

Theresa Hubbard [00:32:57]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:32:58]:
Maybe contentment with. I came here to learn, and I'm learning, and now I'm grateful because I recognize. Thank you. This is really, really hard. And I hope we're gonna have a few days on the beach every once in a while, you know, And I think we do.

Theresa Hubbard [00:33:19]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:33:21]:
Sometimes not. You know, you look at some people's lives, and there's never a break. And whether they are just on autopilot or they're aware, sometimes it just continues. But like you said, with the start of the conversation, it's how you choose to react to it.

Theresa Hubbard [00:33:51]:
Yeah. If I go back and I think about where I was, let's just say, 30 years ago, and I think about, I'm a new mother. I have no idea what I'm doing. I feel helpless. I feel that I don't know who to ask for help or that I'm not even supposed to ask for help. Because there's some assumption that once we have a child, somehow we just figure it out, Right?

Walker Bird [00:34:38]:
Yes.

Theresa Hubbard [00:34:40]:
And I think about, you know, just being in that, you know, constant state of overwhelm, you know, working full time, raising, you know, children. I mean, I just. I really, truly had no idea. Even little ways to care for myself. Not at all. And so I'm so appreciative of the last 20, 25 years, of all of the little things that I've been implementing and will always continue to keep implementing. And I really feel like all of those small choices that I make every day are empowering. All the small choices to care for myself are empowering.

Theresa Hubbard [00:35:37]:
If I think even back from a food perspective, you know, weight I've struggled with most of my life. There have been times when I was really active that I didn't. But I have to be really active. And I think just about all the choices I've made the last 25 years to not have certain foods in the house, and a little bit. A little bit, like, I used to do the throw everything away in the pantry thing. Right. That didn't ever work. And so all of those little pieces of learning to choose myself, and they do accumulate over time into something more powerful.

Theresa Hubbard [00:36:29]:
It was worth it. Even when it didn't feel like it was enough, even when it didn't feel like it was. Right. I mean, I think about what comes to mind just now was the conversation we were having last night about zero sugar, A and W, root beer and sugar free jello. Right. And we were having this conversation about the impact on your body as you're working on the inflammation, but also trying to lose weight and what's worse. Right. And we can get into that place of freeze.

Theresa Hubbard [00:37:11]:
Right. Because this is helpful in this regard, but it's not helpful for me in this regard. And so how do I make a choice? I mean, I think the best we can do is be as informed as we can because I don't know, I mean, I wish there was an answer, right. That we could just tell people, like, this is the best choice. And I think sometimes people present things to us like, just do this.

Walker Bird [00:37:39]:
Sure.

Theresa Hubbard [00:37:40]:
Right. And I think you've come up against that based on. Off our conversations.

Walker Bird [00:37:44]:
Sure.

Theresa Hubbard [00:37:44]:
Right. Just stop doing that. It's like, well, if it was that simple. And so to me, the empowerment wouldn't.

Walker Bird [00:37:52]:
Be here in the first place.

Theresa Hubbard [00:37:53]:
Right, right. The empowerment piece for me is you, you know, doing the research that you did last night. Right. Making a more educated choice for yourself, understanding this or that. And it ended up being, I mean, it was serious, but it was funny. Right.

Walker Bird [00:38:10]:
As we continued to do as I struggle because wanted.

Theresa Hubbard [00:38:15]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:38:16]:
Something that was the sugar substitute.

Theresa Hubbard [00:38:18]:
Yeah, right, right. And then. Okay, so you recognize that there's that part of your body that still, you know, wants, that needs that. Right. And if you're so low energy anyway, and then you're depriving yourself of something that actually feels good, even if it's just for a moment. Right. And then, you know, what do you do to take care of yourself? Yeah, right. And there were great choices.

Theresa Hubbard [00:38:51]:
All that require more effort. Right. And okay, but it still requires more effort.

Walker Bird [00:38:58]:
Right.

Theresa Hubbard [00:38:59]:
But what I hope is, is that the process, even if somewhat frustrating, was a little bit empowering. Like, okay, I understand this better now.

Walker Bird [00:39:12]:
And now I can make, well, less hopeless. I mean, at least there's options.

Theresa Hubbard [00:39:16]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:39:18]:
So for sure.

Theresa Hubbard [00:39:19]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:39:20]:
But also just it's occurring to me while we're having the conversation about all of those things, talking about taking care of yourself, and it's small choices. It's easy for me. And I think that's probably, it's probably more universal than that. But to shame ourselves for what it is that we really need, you know, so is it an app? You know, is it a walk around the pond? Well, you just wasted 15 minutes. You could have been working on this, but I'd have been sitting there like Anyway, or, you know, you chose not to eat the zero sugar jello, but now you want sugar really bad, you know, and so it's all, you know, if you. All this is like a perspective thing is part of our choice as well, which is recognizing that was a good choice for me for reasons X, Y and Z, so that we're actually examining our lives because it's easy for me to turn that into a hopelessness. You know, you're gonna go drive to Andy's now and bury your face in a cherry bash, you know, and I haven't. But, you know, it's just like.

Walker Bird [00:40:56]:
So take that no zero sugar jello. And you could. It's easy for me to go there in those instances and to, you know, whatever other self care thing. So, you know, for you, I got my hair done or I went and had a facial or whatever it is, you know, for me, yeah, I did, but then I'm done and look how much time I wasted. I could have done X, Y and Z and I just didn't, you know, and so we can loop into those scenarios.

Theresa Hubbard [00:41:27]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:41:28]:
So I just wanted to raise that issue that it's really important to, you know, you take some time to recognize when you make those small choices how significant it is and how positive it can be.

Theresa Hubbard [00:41:41]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:41:41]:
Or you can look at it negatively and it takes away from your overall well being.

Theresa Hubbard [00:41:47]:
Yeah. Yeah. It's so interesting, babe. I mean, when you're sharing, I'm thinking, how do we. Is there. Okay, so you know how we get those memories now on our phones and social media platforms of like five years ago, you know, 10 years ago, whatever. Right. I was thinking we need something that reminds us of where we were.

Theresa Hubbard [00:42:23]:
And I think journaling, you know, appeals to some people and it doesn't appeal to others, so it doesn't work. You know, and so for the people that don't journal, or maybe even the people that do, like, how do we remind ourselves that all of these small things are worth the effort, that we are making progress? Because I know, like, as a clinician, you know, I. I hold a lot of information about my clients in my head. Like, I can pull up a lot, even ones that I've seen on and off for a long time. So easy for me to like, look at a client and be. Look how far you've come. And they're sitting there going, I don't even know what you're talking about. Right.

Theresa Hubbard [00:43:14]:
And I'm like, what about this and this and this and this, this? And they're just like, holy cow. And so when you're talking about the shame piece, that's what comes to mind is how we can be so self defeating. Right. Self rejecting. Because we can't allow ourselves to see the. The small pieces. We're still looking for the. The big one, you know, the.

Theresa Hubbard [00:43:40]:
The miracle, the grand thing that then makes the effort that we're making worth it. Right. And so what I'll do, whether it's by memory or, you know, going back through the file and just saying, let's, like, look. Let's look back to the day when you first walked in the door.

Walker Bird [00:43:59]:
Sure.

Theresa Hubbard [00:44:00]:
And then these are the things that come to mind to me about you when I think about all the work that you've done. And so what I'm trying to think is, how do we do that? How do we.

Walker Bird [00:44:13]:
If we didn't keep a journal?

Theresa Hubbard [00:44:14]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:44:15]:
I don't know. A nice conversation with a partner or a friend where you're curious and you ask, we've talked about, how do you, you know, how do you experience me? Is something that we've talked to retreat participants about. But also, you could do that with this too. What steps have you observed or what changes have you seen in me? Things that I've done over time that I may have completely not realized I was doing that were positive or helpful for me.

Theresa Hubbard [00:44:48]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:44:50]:
Would be a possibility. How about that?

Theresa Hubbard [00:44:52]:
Oh, yeah.

Walker Bird [00:44:53]:
Lead to an interesting conversation too.

Theresa Hubbard [00:44:55]:
Yeah, absolutely.

Walker Bird [00:44:56]:
Closer relationship.

Theresa Hubbard [00:44:58]:
Oh, I like it.

Walker Bird [00:45:00]:
I can see your eyes are smiling.

Theresa Hubbard [00:45:01]:
Yeah, yeah. Connection. Right. Truly invested, you know, in relationship with, you know, each other. I don't know. I think that has the ability for us to feel seen too, if we're having that conversation. People notice things about us we don't notice, even if, you know, they're not our therapist. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:45:35]:
So, yeah. I think that's a really nice way.

Walker Bird [00:45:41]:
I think it's important. What's occurring to me is if they have not thought about it because they probably, you know, weren't keeping score, that if you ask the question you need to be prepared for, somebody needs to think about that.

Theresa Hubbard [00:46:00]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:46:01]:
And give enough grace to give them space before you just get upset because they didn't see you.

Theresa Hubbard [00:46:06]:
Right. Right.

Walker Bird [00:46:07]:
Gosh, I don't know, baby.

Theresa Hubbard [00:46:10]:
I don't know.

Walker Bird [00:46:11]:
You know? Well, that's gonna. I don't. The disappointment of having opened up with the request.

Theresa Hubbard [00:46:17]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:46:18]:
Is another opportunity to say, wait a second. You know, I really, you know, I know I'm just throwing the statue out of the blue, but I really. It would Be so helpful to me if you would think about it, you know.

Theresa Hubbard [00:46:36]:
Yeah, absolutely.

Walker Bird [00:46:37]:
And let me know, you know, if there's some things that you've seen and not on the spot, but then, you know, might be two days later or on the weekend or whatever.

Theresa Hubbard [00:46:48]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:46:48]:
I mean, does that sound like a. Oh, yeah. A way to avoid disappointment and disconnection.

Theresa Hubbard [00:46:54]:
Sure. And choosing someone that is more likely to do it. Well, not testing to someone, because that will lead to disappointment. Right.

Walker Bird [00:47:10]:
We are so complex. We are so complex because part of us would pick that person just to confirm the rejection.

Theresa Hubbard [00:47:17]:
Right, Right.

Walker Bird [00:47:18]:
Goodness sakes.

Theresa Hubbard [00:47:19]:
Yes.

Walker Bird [00:47:21]:
Well, it's important, I think, for us, you know, it's easy to throw out, hey, this is a great idea. And. And it could change your life, that sort of thing. And then people try it and they get, you know.

Theresa Hubbard [00:47:32]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:47:34]:
By choosing somebody that was bound to do it or by being reactive before the other person has a chance to even catch up.

Theresa Hubbard [00:47:42]:
Right. Right. Or Right. Like you were saying, to even consider the question. Right.

Walker Bird [00:47:48]:
You know, and being an adult on the other side would be saying, yo, that's a big question.

Theresa Hubbard [00:47:54]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:47:55]:
And I love you and I need some time to think about that so I can give you, you know, meaningful answer. Is that okay?

Theresa Hubbard [00:48:05]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:48:06]:
You know, and hopefully that's the way the conversation would go. Sometimes not.

Theresa Hubbard [00:48:11]:
Yeah, yeah, Yeah. I think most people would need time.

Walker Bird [00:48:16]:
Yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:48:17]:
Not everybody, but most people would need time. Yeah. Interesting.

Walker Bird [00:48:23]:
Yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:48:24]:
Well, what else is on your mind about it?

Walker Bird [00:48:27]:
I think that covers enough for me today.

Theresa Hubbard [00:48:29]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:48:32]:
I held in there pretty good.

Theresa Hubbard [00:48:34]:
You did.

Walker Bird [00:48:34]:
You did 50 minutes. I love you.

Theresa Hubbard [00:48:39]:
I love you too, babe.

Walker Bird [00:48:40]:
Thanks for sharing.

Theresa Hubbard [00:48:41]:
Yeah, you too. Thanks for being so open and vulnerable on such a difficult day.

Walker Bird [00:48:48]:
Thanks.

Theresa Hubbard [00:48:48]:
Yeah. Yeah. I love you.

Walker Bird [00:48:51]:
Love you, too.

Theresa Hubbard [00:48:53]:
Thank you for joining us today. We are excited to explore life with you. We encourage curiosity, self growth, and we strive to be more compassionate every day.