10 Essential Skills to Build Stronger and Healthier Relationships

Walker Bird [00:00:00]:
If you've been wishing for deeper trust and authenticity in your relationships, looking for better communication skills with your partner, we hope that you'll join us for our latest course, 10 Essential Skills to Build Stronger and Healthier Relationships.

Theresa Hubbard [00:00:13]:
Yeah. Everything that Walker and I do is something that we put energy into creating it thoughtfully and intentionally. We're very curious about what might be most, most helpful for people in building healthier skills in relationship. We recognize it's something that we all need to practice time and time again and know that we're not just talking about intimate partners in this course. We're talking about family, coworkers, friends. We really want to walk through this process of building healthier relationship in all areas of our life, and we hope that you consider joining us. Enrollment opens February 1st. Launching March 20th.

Theresa Hubbard [00:01:00]:
First day of spring and the first day of our retreat.

Walker Bird [00:01:03]:
Yeah. Yeah, we'll see you there.

Theresa Hubbard [00:01:05]:
Thank you.

Walker Bird [00:01:11]:
My Inner Knowing empowering you to find your compass for the journey. We are dedicated to supporting you to rediscover and trust your natural ability to navigate life. Each day by sharing insight and experience through the lens of two professional communicators and their guests, we intend to prompt internal inquiry that supports all those willing to explore a unique path.

Theresa Hubbard [00:01:39]:
Okay, so I'm trying to think. Do you want to go through the questions that we got submitted ahead of time?

Walker Bird [00:01:53]:
Sure.

Theresa Hubbard [00:01:54]:
Okay. Okay. Okay.

Walker Bird [00:01:56]:
Specialized. A little more specialized, but sure, I think it applies.

Theresa Hubbard [00:01:59]:
Yeah. So it's. One of the questions that we got ahead of time was how can we learn to stoke the fire of each other's gifts? Oh, such a fascinating question.

Walker Bird [00:02:15]:
I like it, though.

Theresa Hubbard [00:02:16]:
Yeah. And so thinking about the. From the framework of the course, this is what I believe. I believe that all of the skills that we're teaching will. Will help us to better support our partner in empowering them to live a life that's more focused on purpose and passion and, I don't know, ease and freedom. I mean, when you think about, you know, your journey of finding something that really speaks to you, do you feel like the work that we've been doing has been helpful for you in getting, I don't know, more energized around what you want to really do with your life?

Walker Bird [00:03:17]:
Absolutely. I mean, there's just, you know, the personal work I've been doing, the meditation, all of that comes together. And I talked a lot about that through the. The modules.

Theresa Hubbard [00:03:27]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:03:27]:
But without a doubt, it makes me curious with myself. Space for listening, those sorts of things. And I. But I like the partnership aspect of that question. You know, how do we support each other? And here's my experience with you is if you see something that, you know, you see that turns my, you know, my lights on, you will ask me and you will try to make space to encourage it. And so, you know, and if we, If I. When the question was asked, I also thought it'd be really interesting to sit down with your partner and. And have that conversation.

Theresa Hubbard [00:04:07]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:04:08]:
You know, tell me, you know, what is your fire and see what they say and be curious about it. Listen. And then you might reverse the question as well. What do you see? Yeah, you know, because you might see things about me that I, for whatever reason, I'm oblivious to.

Theresa Hubbard [00:04:27]:
Yeah, I was thinking about that. You know, what if I'm not aware? What if I don't know? Yeah, right.

Walker Bird [00:04:33]:
Like painting for me.

Theresa Hubbard [00:04:34]:
Right. A lot of things. I can think of a lot of things.

Walker Bird [00:04:38]:
Somebody encouraged it. Somebody bought me an easel and paint. You know, I. I think if you're curious and kind and just are wanting deeper relationship, you engage in that, whether you're watching for it, which, you know, hopefully going through the course will teach people to be better at that. But also I think being direct and having those sorts of conversations and relationship can make a huge difference. Yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:05:12]:
Yeah. I think, you know, something that can, that can come up in couples is if someone has an interest in something that they are not interested in, even if it would be something that lights their partner up. Right. And what.

Walker Bird [00:05:33]:
Go ahead. I'm just interested in where we're going.

Theresa Hubbard [00:05:37]:
And so I think about, like, how do we support each other in that? You know, for me, I mean, there's some things that you want to do that are not interesting to me. And, and not only are. Are not interesting, but are like.

Walker Bird [00:05:52]:
Deep water sailing.

Theresa Hubbard [00:05:53]:
Yeah. Deep water sailing. Jumping out of an airplane.

Walker Bird [00:05:58]:
Yeah, yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:05:58]:
Things like that. Yeah. And so what? Yeah. And so how do I support you around those things? Even if it's something that maybe brings fear up for me or isn't something that I am interested in doing myself?

Walker Bird [00:06:22]:
You know, you are supportive and. But I think that sometimes in relationship, it could be. It's scary to, you know, that could be scary for you. For me. And you discourage it. Well, why would you want to do something stupid like that? Not a good example of good communication.

Theresa Hubbard [00:06:41]:
Right, right, right. But maybe really common.

Walker Bird [00:06:46]:
Maybe so. And I think then, you know, if. If that's where you are, then, you know, going through the course will give you some tools to have. Have a. A rational conversation about your Fears.

Theresa Hubbard [00:07:01]:
Right, right.

Walker Bird [00:07:02]:
You know, I want to support you in this because I love you or I care about you, and it scares the hell out of me. So part of me doesn't want you to do it.

Theresa Hubbard [00:07:11]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:07:11]:
And I don't know what to do with that.

Theresa Hubbard [00:07:13]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:07:13]:
Is I think, would be a really nice way to start that conversation versus putting it down.

Theresa Hubbard [00:07:20]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:07:21]:
Or getting angry and, you know, avoidant.

Theresa Hubbard [00:07:26]:
Sure. What if the thing that would light that person up requires more effort or time on your part and.

Walker Bird [00:07:38]:
And you are not interested in. Gets harder, doesn't it? We're so complex.

Theresa Hubbard [00:07:44]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think about, you know, what again, is our goal. We talk about that a lot through the course. You know, what do you really want in relationship? Do you really want healthy relationship or do you just want to not be alone? Because if our goal really is healthy relationship, then finding that way to support someone in their work, at finding their edge of who they are and how they want to walk in the world and feeling more empowered or capable or competent, if we want healthy relationship, we would be supporting that even if it's hard. Right. And I'm not talking about people who are taking advantage of their partner. I'm talking about two people who are wanting healthy relationships.

Walker Bird [00:08:53]:
Yeah. It's interesting. What do you think about boundaries at some point, though?

Theresa Hubbard [00:08:56]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:08:57]:
You know, if you're just completely opposed to what your partner wants to do.

Theresa Hubbard [00:09:05]:
You. It's interesting because your deep sea sailing is very scary for me. And one of the things that I learned, really, with my son that has type 1 diabetes, is I want him to be as fully alive as possible as I want you to be as fully alive as possible. And I am willing to lose you for you to have that experience. As I have learned, as I was. As I learned that I had to allow him to make his own choices, to live his life the way he chose to. And the. The potential consequence of that is significant.

Theresa Hubbard [00:10:08]:
Right. What I know about you is that you would be thoughtful, intentional, trained. I mean, it would not be something that you would do foolishly.

Walker Bird [00:10:28]:
By the boat and take off.

Theresa Hubbard [00:10:30]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:10:32]:
I'll figure it out as I go. Yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:10:38]:
No, it's not you. But the risk is still there. Experienced sailors die. I mean, it's true. But I also, what I feel like is important for me to be in relationship with people who don't have regret. It doesn't mean it goes well. It doesn't mean it doesn't cause stress in the relationship in other areas. But if that is something that you feel like you will carry the rest of your life if you do not step in and try it.

Theresa Hubbard [00:11:13]:
I don't want to hold you back.

Walker Bird [00:11:16]:
Sure. I think having the conversations about the fear or the opposition, whatever it may be, is the most important part. I mean, ultimately, we don't control our partners anyway.

Theresa Hubbard [00:11:29]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:11:29]:
I mean, ultimately not. I mean, you might for a while, but. Yeah, you could get rough.

Theresa Hubbard [00:11:37]:
So I think about, you know, how do we support each other? The curiosity questions, really hearing them again. Effort in healthy relationship.

Walker Bird [00:11:56]:
Speaking truth with heart.

Theresa Hubbard [00:11:58]:
Speaking truth. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. The true. True. It's hard for us to share all of the layers of what's happening for us.

Walker Bird [00:12:09]:
Yeah. Taking some time to think. How can I be direct and kind?

Theresa Hubbard [00:12:15]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:12:16]:
It is. Takes practice. And even with practice, sometimes it's messy. Not so hot. Yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:12:23]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:12:24]:
But that's relationship, right?

Theresa Hubbard [00:12:26]:
Yeah. And that's really part of, you know, what we talk about often too, is, you know, healthy. Relationship is messy. It's messy anyway. Healthy, not healthy. So if we're putting the forth. The effort into having it be as healthy as we can, I think it's worth the effort. Yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:12:51]:
Let's see. So help. Navigating stress with children. How, oh, how to be with each other around the stress of raising children or the stress that the. That parenting is causing our partner. What are you thinking about now? Because we are, regardless of the fact that we're not married, we are a blended family. Yes. So what comes.

Theresa Hubbard [00:13:30]:
What. What do you feel like has been in thinking about the course? What do you think has been helpful for you over the years and the skills that we've developed around being with each other? Around the parenting that I do or the parenting that you do?

Walker Bird [00:13:51]:
Sure. I mean, there's been some rough spots.

Theresa Hubbard [00:13:54]:
Sure. Absolutely.

Walker Bird [00:13:55]:
It's just. It's not simple. There's just, you know, we want to be liked. We want to, you know, give love, those sorts of things. And when it's a mixed family, there's different loyalties and, you know, all those things that even though, you know, you may really like each other, all of a sudden those things bubble up and it makes a mess. I think, you know, for us, speaking the trut with heart is really important, you know, in kind ways. And there have been, you know, and periodically, still times that I don't do it well or you don't do it well. But I think, you know, if we are.

Walker Bird [00:14:39]:
If we are asking ourselves, what do we want? What do I really want? I want relationship with you.

Theresa Hubbard [00:14:47]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:14:48]:
And doing that means I'm Doing my best to have the best relationship I can with your children. If it's difficult, then we need to talk about it. And I need to do it in a. In a non attacking, non judgmental way. And when our feelings are hurt, it can certainly go to that direction quickly.

Theresa Hubbard [00:15:08]:
Sure, sure.

Walker Bird [00:15:09]:
So when we fall back on deep listening, when we fall back on curiosity, it's those parts of the course that help teach, you know, pausing and considering what do I want to achieve in this engagement.

Theresa Hubbard [00:15:26]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:15:27]:
What do you think?

Theresa Hubbard [00:15:32]:
Yeah, I think all the skills that we're teaching in the course are helpful. You know, what comes to mind immediately is that it's really important to understand that we aren't taught to be parents. Most of us are parents parenting either the way we were parented or as far away from the way we were parented. And, and we can have a lot of really strong opinions about what is the right way to parent.

Walker Bird [00:16:17]:
Right.

Theresa Hubbard [00:16:17]:
And what is the wrong way to parent. And I know, like, in our relationship, there was a lot of ways that I parented that were very distressing for you earlier in our relationship because, you know, I taught my children to have a voice. I taught them to challenge me. And that for you, was difficult. And we had plenty of conversations about it. And I, you know, for me it was something, while it may be hard, it doesn't trigger me when my kids challenge me. What I wanted, what was important to me based off the experiences I had, was that my children had a voice. I didn't want any of them to feel like they couldn't have a voice.

Theresa Hubbard [00:17:11]:
And I didn't do that so well, you know, with my oldest. And, and that is something, you know, that he is still working on getting a voice at, you know, 29. And I didn't realize it until he was, I don't know, about six or seven. And I was like, oh, I have, I have taken that from him by not being curious because I was just parenting. Like, I was parented. I also, when I think about, I wasn't very involved in my kids, like teaching them the structure around homework. So I didn't. I'm not a, I'm not a very disciplined parent.

Theresa Hubbard [00:18:07]:
And so I'm not like on my kids, you know, all the time about chores and things. And that was difficult, you know, earlier on in our relationship. And so I think, you know, oftentimes what happens is we aren't very curious with each other about that. We're just deciding that what the other person is doing is wrong and that there's A. The. If. If I don't. If you don't do these things, our kids are going to be screwed up.

Theresa Hubbard [00:18:39]:
If you don't do these things, there's going to be, in the long term, a negative impact when it's really more fear based as opposed to. We've had a conversation about that. We're. We're understanding where each other is coming from. We're respectful of each other's fears. And so I think that that piece of those conversations, the, the curiosity, the speaking truth with heart, building, you know, bridges with, you know, genuinely curious questions. But understanding like this is something that everybody struggles with. Whether you are married to the person you had your children with or you're a blended family, it doesn't matter.

Theresa Hubbard [00:19:32]:
We have very different opinions around parenting and the impact that it's going to have. So for me, it would be also, how do we create the space to have those conversations? How do we set aside the time for those to even happen? As opposed to, is there a fly? Something.

Walker Bird [00:19:57]:
Go live and see what happens. Who was the politician that. The fly. I landed on him and I was like, oh, my God. They didn't even feel it. I think it was Mike Pence.

Theresa Hubbard [00:20:08]:
I can't remember.

Walker Bird [00:20:10]:
Anyway. Sorry.

Theresa Hubbard [00:20:11]:
It's okay. So the. How do we create the space to make sure we have the space for those conversations to happen? Because I think often we're so busy in life that we. We're not intentionally creating the space and instead we're trying to negotiate that, like in the moment of the distress, as opposed to like sitting back and being like, okay, yeah, we avoid. Instead of coming back and saying, okay, we really need to find time to sit down and be curious with each other around this because I'm triggered and I know that you're, you know, we're. We're both triggered. I love you. I'm learning to build trust in our relationship.

Theresa Hubbard [00:21:06]:
So having these conversations is essential for us to gain greater understanding and recognize that, you know, often times when we care that much, we're both putting in effort to do it well. You know, we just miss each other. I mean, we miss each other in communication often.

Walker Bird [00:21:30]:
Sure.

Theresa Hubbard [00:21:30]:
We may not even be talking about the same thing, even though we think we are.

Walker Bird [00:21:35]:
I think your point about setting aside time, you know, the heat of the moment is not the time, you know, especially with kids involved and we get defensive of our own children and just all that goes down. That's a mess.

Theresa Hubbard [00:21:48]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:21:49]:
But I think with practice, you know, you're opening up those doors of that Kind of consistent communication about your relationship. But what do you do when you have that conversation? And let's say you've done it really well and, you know, things haven't risen, but there's just an absolute disagreement about how to step forward.

Theresa Hubbard [00:22:20]:
I mean, what comes to mind immediately is building trust in each other is really what comes to mind. Yeah, yeah. Because we're not. There's not always. We're not always going to find an answer that we both agree with. Right, right. But if I. If I have worked on building in this relationship with you, that's healthy, then even if I don't agree and even if I don't understand, because from my family system, this does not even make sense that I can see you as capable and competent and putting effort into wanting our children, our stepchildren, to have healthy relationships in life.

Walker Bird [00:23:02]:
Right.

Theresa Hubbard [00:23:02]:
So. Yeah, yeah. Trust in ourselves. Trust in the relationship.

Walker Bird [00:23:07]:
Yeah, yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:23:09]:
What?

Walker Bird [00:23:10]:
Well, there just are. There are differences on lots of different issues that may not be reconcilable. The issue is, what do you want? And I think it's also respecting each other's opinions, even if ultimately is, for example, this. And I'm stepping out of the children, but the sailing thing, you know.

Theresa Hubbard [00:23:31]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:23:33]:
And deciding that, you know, the relationship is worth that disagreement, that can be hard. But, yeah, that's part of the process. Knowing ourselves and being curious to know the other person. And also what's developed, I think, with us is just I. I really like the concept of, you know, falling back on. I believe this person has my best interests at heart.

Theresa Hubbard [00:24:00]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:24:01]:
It doesn't mean that, you know, he or she does everything you want.

Theresa Hubbard [00:24:08]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:24:09]:
But I think just that foundational piece is it's a really nice place to go to help evaluate, you know, what are you thinking? What are you wanting? So.

Theresa Hubbard [00:24:22]:
Yeah. And what are you really afraid of? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And feel free to ask questions if anybody wants to put anything in the chat. That's great. Let's see. Yeah. I just think that, you know, even the stress of having young kids, that was another one, you know, how do we.

Walker Bird [00:24:48]:
Young parents.

Theresa Hubbard [00:24:49]:
Yeah, yeah. It's interesting because I think it goes back to are we making time? I mean, often young parents that I'm working with are, you know, feeling like they have to do it all themselves. You know, maybe not trusting to have a sitter come and take care of their kids so they can spend time together, feeling like children will be harmed in some way if they do that. They don't want to burden family members to ask if they're not willing to have a sitter. You know, I, I grew up with siblings taking care of me. I didn't rarely have a babysitter, but my kids did, you know, have sitters. But I know for some parents, that can be really terrifying, scary. And so they will not put the effort or energy into coming up with a solution that actually works because the fear is so big.

Theresa Hubbard [00:25:52]:
And so for me, it's like. Is. So then what is ruling the relationship? Fear or healthy relationship? What wins out? The desire for healthy relationship or fear? And I think fear often wins out. What?

Walker Bird [00:26:10]:
Oh, it's just, It's. It's hard.

Theresa Hubbard [00:26:12]:
Yeah, it is hard. It is hard. Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:26:16]:
And I made plenty of mistakes.

Theresa Hubbard [00:26:19]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:26:20]:
But I only had one.

Theresa Hubbard [00:26:24]:
Yep, I've got four.

Walker Bird [00:26:25]:
So you've got a lot more perspective.

Theresa Hubbard [00:26:29]:
Well, for me, you know, the, the. I had to build resilience in my central nervous system too. I mean, that, you know, working on my trauma, doing neurofeedback, you know, those things were really, you know, helpful for me. I mean, there was part of me that just didn't worry about, you know, things like, I remember there's. That, there's. There it is. Yeah. The, the.

Theresa Hubbard [00:27:00]:
I remember when my second son was like 3 years old, and I heard something in his bedroom, and it was nighttime, and I went in there and he had taken an orange marker and he had written all over himself. The mattress, the wall, the floor. I mean, it. There was marker everywhere, orange marker everywhere. And I was. My first thought was, there can't be that much ink in one of them. And I. But I didn't.

Theresa Hubbard [00:27:37]:
It wasn't something that stressed me out. What I believe I learned really was to look at things that children did as their way of understanding the world. And so it was something that I didn't take personally. I didn't worry about the destruction of things. And I didn't. I really didn't have a lot actually, considering that I had four children. But I, I was able to understand that their brain was trying to figure out how things work, whether they were little or whether they were teenagers. And it doesn't mean it's always easy, but they're trying to figure out how the world works too, as we still are in our 50s.

Walker Bird [00:28:29]:
Just easy to be judgmental when it's somebody else. Right?

Theresa Hubbard [00:28:32]:
Oh, of course, yeah.

Walker Bird [00:28:35]:
Because, you know, an old school parent walk in, I'm gonna kill you.

Theresa Hubbard [00:28:39]:
Right, right, right. Or yeah, the child figures thinking spanked. Right.

Walker Bird [00:28:43]:
Yeah, I know, I agree. And I mean, that's part of the process, I think of. Well, when you go through these modules, I mean, a lot of what we're talking about is developing the space and the curio. Gain that understanding.

Theresa Hubbard [00:28:58]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:29:00]:
But also, if you put it in terms of the relationship, responsibility, something that struck me is sometimes, you know, well, I can just talk about my own experience, you know, I have to, I have to do everything is what my spouse would say. But if I wanted to, you know, help pick the outfit or dress or anything like that, I wasn't qualified to do it. So it was, you know, and we were unable to have rational conversations outside of the moment like we're talking about, you know, if I could go back, I do it a lot better.

Theresa Hubbard [00:29:38]:
Yeah. What do you think you would do differently?

Walker Bird [00:29:41]:
Just say we need to, you know, after she's in bed or whatever one evening, let's want to talk about how that, you know, comes across because I, you've. I feel like you feel that I have no interest or you're abandoned and you have to do everything and all I do is work, you know, but tell me what things, you know, you think I can do. Because some I feel like I can't or you don't want me to really.

Theresa Hubbard [00:30:07]:
Okay.

Walker Bird [00:30:08]:
And maybe open up the conversation that way and see where it went and whether, you know, going back in time, let's see, I could change me and go back, but she doesn't change. We were both teenagers, you know, when I'm saying we're 14 year olds and 25 year old bodies, you know.

Theresa Hubbard [00:30:26]:
Right. Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:30:28]:
Or 30 year old bodies. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, if the other person, you know, hopefully the other person is able to. To start learning with you and start changing with you to build a healthier, stronger relationship.

Theresa Hubbard [00:30:44]:
Yeah, yeah. What came to mind when you were sharing that? As I was thinking, we often have an expectation that because we are now a parent or we've reached a certain age that we should know how to do it well, particularly if we're good in other areas of our life. Like maybe we're successful at work or, you know, we're successful in a particular hobby or something. And then it's like, well, I'm capable. Why can't, you know, why can't I? Why is it so difficult to parent? Right. So I think perfectionism stuff can come in.

Walker Bird [00:31:20]:
Oh, sure.

Theresa Hubbard [00:31:22]:
And get in our way of really being able to set aside the space to have conversation, to be curious.

Walker Bird [00:31:33]:
We've got another question.

Theresa Hubbard [00:31:34]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:31:34]:
You want me to read it?

Theresa Hubbard [00:31:35]:
Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

Walker Bird [00:31:36]:
Do you have general tips about how to engage in the material. For example, should we set a specific time aside to do it together or do we work separately and discuss?

Theresa Hubbard [00:31:48]:
That is a good question. You know, for me, it really depends on the couple. What is their situation set up? Because not everybody's doing this as a couple. Right. So your partner could be a work partner, it could be your, you know, parent, an adult child or a friend. And we all have such different learning styles. And so I think the initial conversation with the person, whoever you're doing it with, would be, you know, what's the best way you learn? Some people are going to want to watch the videos, some people are going to want to just do the audio. Some people are going to want to work through the journal prompts together.

Theresa Hubbard [00:32:41]:
Some people will want to do them separately. And so I think the initial conversation is what works for you and what works for me to take in the information initially. I think you need to be respectful of each other's learning style. And then I would set a time to come together, if you're not going to do that part together, to come together, to just conversate around what your awarenesses were. And I think the journal prompts, again, some of you may be fine just doing it out loud, some of you may want to write it down again with the skill building. Those are things that you're doing together if you're doing this with someone, you know. And I think it's important to be, you know, direct about it. Like, I'm working on skill number four that we learned in module one, and I'm going to do my best and it may be messy, but I am trying to work on developing that skill.

Theresa Hubbard [00:33:52]:
Yeah, right. But I think setting aside a specific time, I think if that works for your relationship, I think it's a great idea because it can keep us focused. But if you think about it as like preparing for that time, how do we take care of ourself before we step into that? You know, is it on? You know, we're exhausted and we've had a really busy day. But we said that we're doing this at 8:00 tonight. But actually, either one of us, fine, and we haven't eaten or drank enough water today or. And so I think setting aside the time is great, but then part of that is the intentional process of preparing ourself for that conversation, for that exploration. And so maybe we put on some nice music, maybe, you know, we get a, I don't know, a nice cup of tea or something. Ice Cream, whatever.

Walker Bird [00:35:04]:
Chai works for me.

Theresa Hubbard [00:35:05]:
Yeah. Where we are taking care of ourself. You know, I believe that over the years for me, setting space that feels good to my mind and my body to do this work is really important. And so when you walk in my home, I don't have a television in the living room, I have a bunch of candles, you know, on the table, you know, scents that, you know, smell good for me. And so I would say create that space too. Not just the time, but where are we doing this? You know, are we creating a space that supports us so that our, our bodies are feeling safe enough to hear each other, to have hard conversations? Because these will be hard conversations too. Even just the, the, the experience of it. Because you will have different opinions and different journal prompts may trigger you.

Theresa Hubbard [00:36:18]:
Different skill building exercises may trigger you. So creating the environment that really supports our body as well. Take a deep breath. Oh, it's a good time to practice breathing. What do you think about that?

Walker Bird [00:36:37]:
No, I like the, the thought process of what I think is if I think watching the video together would be probably the easiest part and might create some conversation before you even move to journal prompts or skill building. And so, you know, the issue is, does it have to be a specific time and you know, you can go at your own pace. So.

Theresa Hubbard [00:36:59]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:36:59]:
Just, you know, it's like if Saturday mornings work because that's the quiet time, everybody's around and feeling good, then that's great. And if it doesn't, I guess what I would say is if that's not working, instead of just not getting the benefit, change your plan and you know, do it individually as best you can to get started or to keep the energy moving forward.

Theresa Hubbard [00:37:24]:
Yeah. And being curious with each other. I mean, best laid plans. Right. Like we can think, oh, this is going to be a good time for us to do this. And then it's like, oh, well, maybe not. And trying putting effort into, not getting frustrated that the initial plan maybe doesn't work as smoothly as we hoped. Right.

Theresa Hubbard [00:37:46]:
Yeah, we're both putting effort into this. So yeah, let's rethink. I mean we all. We can't know or wouldn't it be nice if we could just make a plan and it worked out just like we planned it. I just don't know that that happens very often. So. So again, we're trying to build resilience in our central nervous system so we're so we can be okay when things don't go according to plan.

Walker Bird [00:38:19]:
Yeah, yeah, agree.

Theresa Hubbard [00:38:20]:
And being, being Respectful of each other's, you know, desire or want for that time to have worked. So it's not dismissive. We. That is absolutely regardless of who our partner is in this process. We do not want to be dismissive of the other person's experience or turn.

Walker Bird [00:38:39]:
It into a competition.

Theresa Hubbard [00:38:40]:
Or turn it into a competition, because.

Walker Bird [00:38:42]:
That'S a common, you know, event in relationships, I think, you know.

Theresa Hubbard [00:38:46]:
Oh, yeah.

Walker Bird [00:38:48]:
Or it can be.

Theresa Hubbard [00:38:49]:
Yeah, We. I think this is something that I will say in therapy how complex we are. We often are trying to prove to our partner that we have value by making them feel less than. And so I think the competition piece that you mentioned is really important. It isn't about, you know, I knew better than you, or I was raised better than you, or I've learned more than you. It really is. Again, we're. Regardless of the relationship, we're just trying to help each other grow.

Theresa Hubbard [00:39:38]:
We're trying to help each other find more freedom. Can we accept that growth is messy and it's constantly an experiment? We are, if we can, think about it as just practicing. We're just practicing learning how to do this in a healthier way.

Walker Bird [00:40:03]:
There was a question that came up in the email submission about when one partner is. If they're doing it as a, you know, couple or friends or whatever it is, but two people are engaging in this process and somebody is hitting resistance. So what's your. What's your experience when resistance arises?

Theresa Hubbard [00:40:28]:
Yes. Well, I think expect it. It. I think it's helpful to expect resistance. You know, our body thinks it's protecting us from something. It served a purpose at some point in our life. That resistance, we just may not need its protection today. So just notice it.

Theresa Hubbard [00:40:56]:
You know, what is this about for me? What do I really want? What am I really afraid of? And so if we can have that awareness ourselves, wonderful. If it's something that our partner is demonstrating and they're having a harder time accessing it, you know, to me, it would be this. The kind, curious, I mean, genuinely empathetic question. What would be most helpful for you right now? Again, if our goal is healthy relationships, what are we trying to do other than to create connection and hold space for, you know, our partner? So expecting resistance, I think, is really important.

Walker Bird [00:42:01]:
Yeah. And going to curiosity instead of getting angry.

Theresa Hubbard [00:42:05]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:42:05]:
You're not interested in supporting the relationship, you know, those sorts of things. It's being curious what's going on for you.

Theresa Hubbard [00:42:13]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:42:14]:
That's when you ask a lot.

Theresa Hubbard [00:42:15]:
Yeah. Yeah. What's happening for you right now.

Walker Bird [00:42:20]:
It'S usually.

Theresa Hubbard [00:42:21]:
I don't fit. Yeah, it's okay. Yeah. This whole process is really about allowing our humanness in a lot of different ways. Learning to find safety and vulnerability and our truth and our fears, and giving.

Walker Bird [00:42:55]:
Space and acceptance for other people's humanness too. Right?

Theresa Hubbard [00:43:00]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:43:01]:
Whether it's your partner, friend, family member, co worker.

Theresa Hubbard [00:43:06]:
Yeah, yeah.

Walker Bird [00:43:09]:
Becoming present.

Theresa Hubbard [00:43:13]:
Yeah. And I really do think I'll say this again and again and again and again. What do you really want? Do you really want healthy relationship, or do you want to be right or do you want your other partner to be wrong? You know, what do you really want? I mean, what I learned at some point, I had an awareness that the most important thing to me, period, is healthy relationship. More than anything, I wanted healthy relationship. And so when I am struggling, that is what I'm asking myself. Is what I'm doing contributing to healthy relationship, or am I just wanting to vomit my pain on somebody?

Walker Bird [00:44:07]:
Well, we've all been there. Learning to do it last, I think is a good thing. Yeah, it's part of this process. You know, we're just helping ourselves grow.

Theresa Hubbard [00:44:24]:
Yeah, yeah, it really is. I mean, the whole course is about creating the space for us to. To become more aware of ourselves in relationship and to practice different skills. Because there's some skills, you know, that we'll find like, oh, I do that pretty well. And then others where maybe we thought we did that well, and then our partner's feedback is maybe not so well, and that's okay, too. But it's really this exploration of how we are in relationship, and that isn't easy because we can think we do a really good job. Sure. We were talking about that.

Theresa Hubbard [00:45:12]:
We were talking about that earlier. Right. Like, you know, some people may take the relationship assessment and look, they're like, oh, I'm 250. Right, right. I got the highest amount of points possible. I am. I do this. I do it well every single time.

Theresa Hubbard [00:45:27]:
Right.

Walker Bird [00:45:28]:
Journey finished. I've arrived.

Theresa Hubbard [00:45:32]:
Because I think shame can come up.

Walker Bird [00:45:35]:
Sure.

Theresa Hubbard [00:45:36]:
Right. And so we can want to see ourselves in a certain way. We can want to see ourselves as not harming someone. And so we can talk about, like, intent versus impact. Right. Like, we can. We can not want to harm someone and still harm them.

Walker Bird [00:45:58]:
Oh, sure.

Theresa Hubbard [00:45:59]:
Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:46:01]:
It happens all the time.

Theresa Hubbard [00:46:02]:
Yes.

Walker Bird [00:46:03]:
In all different.

Theresa Hubbard [00:46:04]:
In all relationships. Right, right, right. And so all of the skills are designed to help improve those areas, no matter who the relationship is. Yeah. Because, you know, the skills are designed, you know, that to practice or Designed that you could try them not just with your partner. I mean those will be laid out like, you know, the ones that you do with your partner, your intimate partner will be the difference than the ones you do with your co workers. But I mean the, the, the details of the skills will be different.

Walker Bird [00:46:39]:
Sure.

Theresa Hubbard [00:46:40]:
But learning to really be with whomever it is that you're trying to create connection with, you know, even if it's somebody at the store and you're trying to get your need met or like when you were in the hospital in December and I was working on forming a relationship, you know, with the post op people to get something that you needed. Right. I mean all of that practice has helped in all of those situations, whether or not the person is someone who's in my daily life or not. Yeah, yeah. Recognizing that there, that all of us to some degree want to be seen, heard, valued, understood to feel important. Even someone that we do not know. Yeah. And I think, I believe not everybody wants to be helpful, but I think most people, they want to be helpful.

Theresa Hubbard [00:47:50]:
I just don't think we're very good at asking for help and asking for help in, in ways that consider the other person. So anyway, so the course works through all of that as well. Yeah, yeah, you did mention the assessment. And so let's talk a little bit about that because, you know, we want to make sure that we get it to. Yeah. Tuning in. Yeah, yeah. So the people that have purchased the course already would have received it by email.

Theresa Hubbard [00:48:27]:
We are, we are ultimately going to get it embedded on our website so that it's easier for you to take it electronically. And so they're hoping to have that available next week. And what I would say about the assessment, you know, for me, just so that, you know, people are aware, I designed it that way very intentionally. For me, asking the questions from a positive perspective is the beginning of the process of putting in our mind this way of being in relationship. So when you read the questions, they are all framed in the positive because I want your brain and your body to start going, oh yes, yes. And it doesn't may not feel true in certain areas. You mean you may read it and go, oh no, I do not do that at all. I still want your brain to start understanding that that's possible, that those things can happen with practice and effort.

Theresa Hubbard [00:49:38]:
And so, so know that the assessment was written very specifically that way because I want those, what I call like 50 affirmations. I want you to start believing that you can achieve those things. So, and I think Taking it, you know, every once in a while, I think is a good idea. As you're going through the course, you can wait till afterwards, but continuing to, you know, keep in some higher levels of consciousness what your intention is, that.

Walker Bird [00:50:12]:
Raises another question that had been asked before, which was, how do I track my progress through this course? And that is one way. The other way is if you're keeping your journal prompts, leave an extra page so that you can go back after some time and re. Answer the journal prompts and then compare.

Theresa Hubbard [00:50:31]:
Oh, yeah.

Walker Bird [00:50:31]:
To see, you know, after you finished five modules or all the modules, how you might answer differently. And you'll get a really good picture of whether there's been some growth or, you know, there's things that you still need to work on, etc, but you. You will have a lot more experience at that point.

Theresa Hubbard [00:50:47]:
Oh, yeah.

Walker Bird [00:50:48]:
And perspective.

Theresa Hubbard [00:50:49]:
Yeah. The whole course is designed for you to take it as many times as you want. I mean, that's why we did or created it this way in what's called Evergreen, where it will always be accessible to you. Because as we know, we. We. We read something or we experience something and we learn something. You know, we can watch a movie 25 times and then, you know, realize that every time we watch it, we take away something else. What is important to us in that viewing, in that reading, in that question? The journal prompt or the skill building? I mean, the.

Theresa Hubbard [00:51:24]:
It is designed in such a way that as you keep growing, you can keep growing with. Is not, you know, something that. Yeah. Has to be a one and done. I mean, it can be, but I think it doesn't have to be. Let's see. So the bonus materials.

Walker Bird [00:51:48]:
Early bird.

Theresa Hubbard [00:51:49]:
Yeah. So the Early Bird pricing ends tomorrow, which is the 14th. Wow. Oh, Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Yay. What?

Walker Bird [00:52:01]:
I'm just playing. Like, I'd forgotten.

Theresa Hubbard [00:52:05]:
Well, I forgot. Anyway. Well, we are going on a trip together tomorrow, so that counts. That counts. Let's see. The. Okay, so the bonus materials that. The morning ritual guide.

Theresa Hubbard [00:52:25]:
Again, just ideas for you to think about. Like it. Creating the space, setting the intention for the day. How do I. How do I tell my body and my brain that I want to engage with life differently? And let's see. And the people who have signed up would have received those already. And on the meditations and so. Oh, yeah.

Theresa Hubbard [00:52:53]:
So I love creating meditations. And the, the stoke your fire.

Walker Bird [00:52:59]:
You're really good at that.

Theresa Hubbard [00:53:00]:
Oh, thanks, babe.

Walker Bird [00:53:03]:
It's true.

Theresa Hubbard [00:53:04]:
Thank you. Anyway, I like creating them. I like recording them. I like Finding the music to go. We actually had somebody create the background music on the meditations at a certain frequency, which is designed actually to help your brain integrate new information more quickly. And so that's the background music in these two meditations that we sent that are part of the course, the healthy relationship and then trusting yourself meditation. And so they are ones you can listen to. Awake, asleep, it doesn't matter.

Theresa Hubbard [00:53:43]:
Your brain and your body is still picking up the words and the frequency. And one of the things that I put in these two particular are also some breathing practices. And so, you know, breathing deeply and releasing completely. And so you'll hear those throughout the meditations. And that's also training your body to be more aware of how we breathe because most of us are not very aware of how we breathe. And then for people that are doing the, the transformation package, we created a card deck that is just more information than prompts and exercises. Daily affirmations. Daily affirmations that are part of it.

Theresa Hubbard [00:54:37]:
You know, again, just pick a card, you know, as your, your thing for the day if you want to put energy into that or thing for the week. And, and that package also has a one on one with us if people want to ask us specific questions. Um, and whether that's about the course or podcast, because we often get questions from people who are like, I want to ask you a question about that podcast episode. So. And that would be fine too. Um, and then I think the second package has the Facebook community, which will be just an opportunity for people to ask questions, to support each other, to share resources. I mean, one of the things that I love, I mean I have a Facebook group that I run for therapists. And what I have loved watching over the last whatever, 15 years is just the amount of resources, great resources that people have.

Theresa Hubbard [00:55:42]:
Like I can't possibly read everything or take every class. And so I love it when people share really good resources. Oh, and then the group coaching. Yeah, that comes with that second package too. And that's really just, you know, like tonight you can ask whatever questions. It's just that, you know, it's set up in a way for people to do it live, you know, like you don't. You can, you can do it in the chat if you want or you can turn on your camera and your microphone and just ask directly. So anyway, we're really excited.

Theresa Hubbard [00:56:17]:
We love it. Yeah.

Walker Bird [00:56:22]:
Thank you so much for joining us. We are so excited about sharing with you our new retreat. Becoming Unshakeable: From Self-Doubt to Daring.

Theresa Hubbard [00:56:33]:
Yeah, we love doing retreats. It's a lot of fun. We really enjoy that group in person process. Everything that Walker and I create is something that we do with a lot of intention. Every retreat we do is a new retreat. We don't repeat retreats. And so it's always an adventure for us in creating the next one based off where he and I are and our own personal growth journey.

Walker Bird [00:57:01]:
Yeah. We look forward to holding space for you.

Theresa Hubbard [00:57:04]:
Yeah. We hope you'll consider joining us. Thank you for joining us today. We are excited to explore life with you. We encourage curiosity, self growth and we strive to be more compassionate every day.